I never considered myself a hamburger snob. Before moving to Seattle I would have been content to pick up a burger anywhere knowing that they’d all taste the same, average. But now I have a short list of restaurants where I can go to get a great burger, my favorite of all being Red Mill Burgers. So it was with this bias in hand that I set off on a walk to Zak’s in Ballard. The sign out front proclaims they are “A burger joint”. Pretty strong words, they’d better have a strong burger to back them up.

The atmosphere at Zak’s is an odd mix of wall-mounted kitsch (License plates from quite a few states, Florida included, adorn one wall), a faux boat near the front (proclaiming, “Take a menu, take a seat”) and 20’s and 30’s swing music being played overhead. With an ample mix of booth’s and tables, I chose a spot up front by the large windows in order to get a better view of the people walking by on the sidewalk. I was soon confronted with my waitress, who seemed in a hurry to take my order, get me served and out the door. It was a little after noon; there were only 2 other groups in the place and not much going on.

It should have been this rushed service that clued me in to Zak’s terrible secret, they don’t know how to make a bacon cheeseburger. The menu is fairly simple; hamburger selections in various forms (Singles with or without cheese and with or without bacon and the same selections but as ‘Doubles’), chicken & salmon burgers and drinks on the back (Sodas, beer and wine). I placed my order for a Single Bacon Cheeseburger with Fries ($8.45 without is $6.95). Not long after I get my order quickly delivered to me. On first glance I am torn, the bun looks good but where’s the meat and cheese and fixin’s? It seems I may have been short changed. But it requires peeling away the waxed paper to reveal that my cheeseburger has been made lopsided. So after rearranging the contents I take a bite. The aforementioned bun, with its buttered, grilled goodness, stands out first and foremost. Fairly standard sesame seed bun but also with sprinkles of poppy seeds, I almost wanted to toss out the meat and veggies and just eat the bread. The reason that I am focusing on the bun so much is that there was little to talk about in the meat department. The hamburger, which should have been the star, was dry and flavorless. I really could have been eating any sort of fairly solid, fried mass for all I knew. The bacon held a smidgeon a flavor but what should have been crispy was mostly just chewy. As for the cheese, well, that could very easily have been good had there been more of it.

My order also came with fries. These could have been good, well seasoned fries, crisp on the outside, fluffy on the inside. Prepared just as they should have been. But they seemed to have been prepared before my arrival as the ones I got were only lukewarm.

All in all I feel that you can have a much better hamburger almost anywhere else in town, this even include McDonalds in my opinion. My suggestion to Zak’s, worry less on atmosphere and more on your ingredients and staff. That is what will make or break you.